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Silencing the inner cyni

January 19th, 2009 No comments

Foreword: I had just about decided to ride downtown from Milwaukie when I decided I wanted to blog. How millenial.

I have the bad habit of running an inner monologue that counterpoints whatever I’m hearing from a teacher or supervisor. I’ve done it as long as I can remember, and it’s something I need to stop. Not so much for bosses, they never say anything worthwhile (see, I just did it.)

It’s partially a focus thing, it’s always been hard for me to get 100% of my attention on something. Maybe that comes from school, I’ve always been good at book learning and theoretical thinking, so in school I could get by on half a brain. Same with most of my jobs. With a digital voice recorder and a transcription program I could have written a dozen books while washing dishes and I never admin’d without a hidden notepad for ideas.

But sometimes it just gets in my way. I had a fairly crappy night at krav tonight because of it. I have legitimate differences of opinion at various points but they’re nothing that should impede my training. And I definitely don’t learn physically as easily as I do, um, mentally? Bookly, whatever. I couldn’t keep the little shit in the back of my brain quiet tonight. I didn’t even try. I need to reread this before class next week and make myself concentrate. Even with the monologue, I did okay. But I need to stop half-assing.

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