Steve Jobs goes on “medical leave” and suddenly the iPhone gets MMS. Shocked? Not me. I’ve been hoping he retires to some of his weird manias subside. Like batteries the user has to pay someone to replace.

(Obvious rebuttal: Steve Jobs is a genius! You wouldn’t have had the iPhone if it wasn’t for him. Equally obvious response: Apple is a bunch of people, some of whom aren’t insane. Innovation will continue).

HOWEVER…

Some features, including MMS, won’t be available on the first-generation iPhones because the older hardware lacks support for them, said Apple during the presentation. In an accompanying statement, it also noted that “some features may not be supported by older hardware” but did not elaborate on which other iPhone 3.0 features will not be available on the original model.

Prediction 1: none of the really cool 3.0 features will work on 1st Gens.
Prediction 2: 3G (hence to be called 2nd Gen) iPhone sales will skyrocket as 1st Gen owners trade in to get stuff the iPhone OS should have had in the first fucking place.
Prediction 3: within months of this, the 3rd Gen iPhone will be announced.

Apple’s played this game before. iPods go on sale scant months before a new iPod is announced. I see what you did there!. I’ll buy a new fucking iPhone when I’m God damned good and ready to do so. Put that barrel away, you won’t be bending me over it.